Command/Report

Communication theory articulates two levels of communication: report and command. Report is content, the literal information communicated. Command is how the communication implicates the relationship between communicants.

This is jargon but not incomprehensible. Think about the scenario in which person A really wants person B to wash the dishes. Some people might ask, "Would you please wash the dishes?" Another might say, "Hey, the dishes are dirty."

In the former case, the report is a request to wash the dishes, and the command is a relationship between equals, or an inferior speaking to a superior. At any rate, it's a request given by person A, who does not take for granted that it is person B's job to do the dishes.

In contrast, the latter implicates a superior/subordinate relationship. Person A's observation that the dishes are dirty is itself a subtextual, passive-aggressive command to person B: hey, wash the dishes. Furthermore, such an order implies that person B should have already noticed the dishes needed to be washed, and it's an inconvenience to person A that they needed to speak in the first place.

It is possible to say one thing and completely contradict one's self in the saying of it. Traditionally masculine, logocentric discourse focuses on the words themselves. If I can say something correctly and accurately, then I cannot be criticized.

Traditionally feminine, intuitive discourse focuses on the relational context in which communication is phrased. This does not exclude the words themselves, but weighs the command dimension of speech more heavily. If you say something correctly, but speak it in a tone of irritation or condescension, then you have effectively undermined your communication. Hence it is possible to insult a person, even while paying them a compliment.